📸 making stuff
This morning, I looked for a sketchbook with blank pages to doodle some stuff. I had to look through my old sketchbook stash for that. Even if I want to keep this blog apart from my art making persona, here's a glimpse in my sketchbooks, as it seems the Bear community tends to like chaotic note taking.
Some thoughts I had this morning:
- Creating is back in my life, as for the anxiety of it
- Why the fuck do I need to create stuff? And why am I never ever satisfied?
- I know a lot of techniques but I make very little of it
- I found the first sketch for my wedding set design. I'm disappointed at how few of these ideas actually came to life, but it is what it is, I built what I could with the time I had. I think I would I needed ten more people to make what I wanted to, not just disabled me and my husband, who already was cooking for 70 and working full time.
- I have 4.9k pins on my Pinterest account. Looney Tunes, Robert Rauschenberg, science diagrams, Todd Hido, Hilma af Klimt, pictures of dogs, sweaters and shirts, portraits of Queen Elizabeth II, Alexandra Bircken, portraits of David Bowie and Tilda Swinton, Alexander McQueen, bdsm imagery, art studio spaces. All of it is part of my art identity. Some of it makes my heart fill up, some of it makes me want to puke.
- I'm incredibly proud of some of the things I made over the years
- I'm incredibly ashamed of some of the things I made over the years
- I thought I burnt out the last time. Why am I making stuff again?
- Will I ever make a design that expresses perfectly how I feel?
- I really need to create a world but every time I try, this world collapses before I get to the finish line
- Everything I want to make already exists behind my eyes. It's a shame I'm the only one who can see it
- I creatively burnt out a least three times. Where and when will next time be? How much time do I have for Act IV?
- Last time I made stuff for a prolonged period of time I built a recognizable style, it was freeing and paralyzing at the same time. I want nothing to do with it today.
- Should I create for myself or should I try again the Instagram game?
- How can art be so futile and so important at the same time?
- Why some of the stuff I made seem empty and blank, whereas some of it makes peoples heart shiver?
- Why does talking about art make me feel posh and ostentatious?
- Why do I feel so scared when I face a blank page?
- Could I just make stuff without seing my art teacher's face disappointed in the back of my head for once?
- I think art school broke me
- I want to built new images again
Well ok, that's it for today. Turned out I'm just anxious as I always am. Everything is perfectly fine.
P.S.: I love getting mail!
Vocab I learnt Sift=tamiser Swift=rapide look through= chercher dans une tas, une collection