pregnancy week 17
Current stage of pregnancy: week 17 GA; week 15 FA; 30 (!) cigarettes since the beginning of pregnancy
I think I'll be happy to read back on how I felt, so it's time for journaling. I'm 17 weeks in. I got back at smoking again, I feel ashamed. I tried to stop so many times. I smoke one (1) cig everyday while crying because I don't want to. I woudn't smoke to my baby's face, why would I smoke in their bloodstream then? I want to quit smoking. I need to, I think I'm done. I'm done. I've said that a million times before. The new thing is my husband agreed to quit too, maybe it'll help. We need to get rid of cigarette packs, lighters, ashtrays. I need to quit so bad, I feel like I'm a bad parent already. I can't even make myself eat salad because I'm afraid of E. coli. Why would it be okay to ingest carbon monoxide then?
Baby's doing great. We have another imaging next week, I can't wait to meet them again. I love this kid so much. I think I begin to feel things in my belly, like a hard ball moving. Maybe it's the baby? I definitely have a bump in the left side, under my belly button. Symptoms-wise, things are coming and going. My digestion is definitely not doing great, but it was predictable. I feel some pain in my tailbone, I think it may be because my sitting position changed. Otherwise, except for a mild nasal congestion, I'm fine. My mood improved too, turns out I can manage my mood disorder pretty well. I'm so impatient, I want my baby to be big and I want to feel the kicks! Sometimes I'm afraid baby disappeared and my uterus is empty. Irrational, I know.
We're good on house prep. We're almost done with baby clothes in size 1m and 3m but we still need to get more in size 6m. We have a high chair that turns into a louger. We have a stroller, a baby carrier, a car seat, a changing station, a bottle sterilizer, a bottle warmer, a baby monitor, some toys and books. The kitchen cabinets are secured. We finally got a dining table.
I'm still debating on what I'll ask on my birthplan. I really hope we won't need to have a C-sections, as it seems the recovery process is painful. I feel like I want to give birth without an epidural, am I insane? My mom told me she made it 4 times without an epidural. My greatest fear is asking for it and finding out it's not working.
Well, that's it. Cheers!
P.S.: I love getting mail