pregnancy week 19 | I'm pissed
CW: descriptions of pregnancy common symptoms, including pain and bodily fluids.
Current stage of pregnancy: week 19 GA; week 17 FA; 30 (!) cigarettes since the beginning of pregnancy. 15 days since last cig.
Symptoms
I'm at the end of the 19th week. Tomorrow baby will officially be upgraded to pear size. I'm tired. I feel like my sleep is really good but I wake up tired, I don't know why. Maybe it's the constant stuffed nose that makes my sleep not efficient. Nausea is back, as well as some acute but low-intensity pain in the perineum and pubic symphisis area. Vaginal discharge is weird again, kind of sticky but light in color (ie : not a problem). I auto-checked my cervix, which is nice and closed. Which made me remember that lately, I read lots of pamplets written by doulas, which advised women to decline "vaginal touch" from midwives ("vaginal touch" is the name for the manual check of cervical size and opening during pregnancy). I know consent is essential for women in medical settings, but why would you automatically advise women to decline these examinations, without even explaining what purpose it would accomplish? Isn't consent (or refusal of consent) supposed to be informed? I'm kind of angry actually, because I read lots of anti-medicine pamplets associated with advises for a more "natural" birth, mostly from doulas.
Anger
One of these pamphlets that pissed me off was a zine made by a doula and a collective of trans men who have carried their children, specifically targeted at other trans men, in french language. I was ecstatic at first because trans-inclusive pregnancy material in french is rare, if not nonexistant. Well, Higher the expectation, the higher the disappointment. This zine provided some information of the physiology of pregnancy (but not much!), mixed with advices for a more "natural" pregnancy journey (symptothermal methods, use of herbs and decoctions, home birth) as well as self-defense techniques against medical abuse (how to deny some tests of procedures). I'm not entirely against the wellness world, even if I'm highly critical of it, but again, there is no real refusal of consent without proper information on what you are denying. Let's talk about what's really happening in your cells and tissues and pipes before telling you to have some herbal tea.
Moreover, I'm not only angry about this zine, I'm also so pissed off that each and every resources (even those from the hospital) about pregnancy and birthing is talking about yoga, sophrology, or fucking prenatal singing, over and over and over again. I'm growing a full human being in my womb and I'm about to pass it though my cervix and you're telling me to practice my singing?? Next time a cisgender male is experiencing something painful and traumatic imma tell him he should have tried yoga.
Anyway, my rant is over, let's rant together against the wellness industry via mail!