pregnancy wk 10

27 Jul, 2026

Current stage of pregnancy: week 10 GA; week 8 FA; 9 cigarettes since the beginning of pregnancy

Things are getting real. We bought our first baby item yesterday, a baby carrier that happened to be on sale. This is the kind of carriers that look like a backpack, not a wrap. I think it's kind of cringe for white people to carry their baby in wraps. African moms have been ostracized and mocked for decades for carrying their child in wraps, and all of a sudden White people discover wraps and it's everywhere and we sell specialized piece of equipment for 30€. Maybe it's an example of cultural appropriation?

[pause]

I did a quick research and it turned out I was wrong about at least two points:

• Baby wearing is kind of universal, actually everywhere in the world people carry babies on their back or chest with some kind of fabric, except in the Western White world (Europe, Great Britain, North America) where we decided that using a stroller was the only decent thing to do — being over-confidently wrong is a way of life for us;
• The backpack-style carrier is also culturally appropriated

The very popular Ergobaby carrier has a similar origin story. In 2002, when Karin Frost was a new mom, she was disappointed with the comfort of the carriers available and started developing her own prototypes. Her first baby carrier design was born out of her study and observation of Indigenous people living near the Amazon River and an interest in attachment parenting, a parenting philosophy that encourages babywearing.¹

[pause]

We are currently researching other essentials: crib, stroller, playing mat, lounger, bathtub, clothes, and so on. There is so many possibilities it is kind of overwhelming, especially when the Internet is full of people who are determined that their solution is the best. I was a bit lost so I had to go back to the basics: what is it like, a day as a newborn? I read official recommendations in my country (on Ameli, our official social security website) but it looked like they missed an important amount of hours in a day. I went back on Instagram and watched a million videos of moms sharing their hour-by-hour program with a baby. Instagram moms gave me a better understanding of all the in-between, all the time spent carrying and changing your baby, while Ameli was more about sleeping and feeding times. I think I'll share my current state of understanding here, more to get a reminder of this time for later, when I'll look back and think how wrong I was lol.

Sleeping and naps, i.e. where do I put my baby when it's not latched on my boob?

It's the most confusing part I think. There is so much possibilities: crib, bedside crib, moses basket, nest, lounger, pram. Do we need all this shit for a baby to sleep? The influencer microcosmos on Instagram seems to be all about a really expensive piece of equipment called Najell Sleepcarrier, while childcare assistants on forums seem to swear by another nest called Doomoo Cocoon. However, the official recommendations on Ameli suggest these kind of nests shouldn't be used for more than 30 minutes as it restricts the baby's movements. Actually, pediatricians seem to recommend any sleeping in a sturdy bed (either a regular crib or a bedside crib) and other waking time the baby needs to be on the floor to work on those baby muscles. I think this is going to be the best choice because we're on a budget, maybe we don't need these fancy nests and baskets. There's a lot of good bedside cribs for a few bucks in my area, it might be the best option, especially while I plan on breastfeeding for the first few months. I'm okay with spending most waking time on a floor mat with the baby to help him build up movements, especially because I'm still dealing with the aftereffect of insufficient physical (and cognitive, tbh) development myself.

[interlude: me, my mom, my baby]

When I moved out at 17, I had to learn a lot of stuff that I should really have learnt in childhood: reading a map, talking to strangers, using tools, walking on inclined floor (!), crossing the road, walking on wet floors, taking stairs, taking the public transportation. I also had trouble with some colors (mixing up purple and yellow all the time). I think I can blame my limitations at a set of factors: multiple undiagnosed disabilities, growing up in the countryside, having parents who don't like to meet new people, growing up in the 90's when developmental psychology wasn't fashionable in lower-class families. This is why I want to be well-informed on how to help my baby build confidence. I'm not saying I'll do better than my parents did (even though it won't be hard doing better than my dad, not hitting children would be a start). I'm just saying I have more privileges than my mother had, being able to research all of this and living in a quiet environment while she had been in survival mode for decades.

[end of interlude]

Well, I digressed for a moment. I didn't realize my anxious browsing of baby accommodation was rooted in broader questions of disability and class. I guess this is why I write this blog. Let's go back to beds and strollers, if you may. We decided to get a second-hand bedside crib for the first six month, as well as giving baby extensive floor time. We may need something else though, as there will be time we will need to restrict baby's movements when it's not in his crib. For example, my husband would like to share kitchen time with the newborn because this is his happy place, but our kitchen is not safe for a baby. Is this where we need a lounger? Or a moses basket? But experts say we shouldn't let a baby in any of these for more than 30 minutes before the third month. Should my husband carry the baby in the baby backpack while cooking? This is where I'm lost. Is it delusional to think we would do an activity for more than 30 minutes while the baby is awake? Maybe. I'd love to have some advice, if a well-informed parents swings by. My e-mail address is at the bottom of this post.

Going out: stroller and car seat

It seems like there is two possibilities here.

1. We get a 3-in-1 stroller with an included car seat carrier. We will need to buy a bigger car seat when the baby is about 15 month or 24 month old.
2. We get a regular pram for outside and a separate evolutive baby car seat. We will need to buy a regular stroller when the baby is about 6 month old, and a bigger car seat when the baby is 5 years old.

It seems like the first option is better. We'll see.

Other notes on my pregnancy so far

My symptoms are getting better as I move toward the end of the first trimester. I barely get nausea, I feel like I'm not hungry all the time anymore, even if I still need to break my lunch to 3 or 4 smaller snacks. My mood is getting better too! I had one breakdown earlier this week, but I just learnt that I won't get disability benefits before October-November at least. I asked for it on February this year, 8 month is too much! Legally, the disability office should answer in less that 4 month, but the nice lady on the phone told me they were overwhelmed. It was really scary, because my unemployment benefits would end in September, and my husband will have a gap in employment in September too, which would lead to some financial struggles, which you don't want when you're expecting. Luckily, my unemployment benefits were so late that it should last until October. There's some irony in it, all the public financial accommodation are so slow it kind of all goes at the same pace. Anyway, everything should go smoothly, finally. I'm getting into terms with being in my welfare queen era, as the pregnancy advances, I feel like I'm lucky not having to work with all these heatwaves.

I sometimes have mild pain in my lower abdomen, I think it's muscular and/or ligaments extending. It's nothing besides the chronic pain I experienced for 10 years. Actually, I read a lot of women with chronic diseases who said pregnancy was a lot easier than their years in sickness. I can agree so far but I'm still early on, maybe it won't be the same 8 months in. We'll see.

I had my first pregnancy blood test and everything went well. I met two new women working at the lab but none of them were weird about me being trans. The woman at the front office shared some concerns about some technical issues with great professionalism. She said:

"Usually, we need to select on the billing form that it's a pregnancy related testing, but I fear that as you are a man, our lab software won't let me do that. I'll try something and get back to you if social security refuses to pay us."

I was really grateful for this exchange. She was factual, non judgmental, discreet. I'm still shocked on how it's been easy with health professionals, maybe it does get better, finally. Well this has been a big big post already, I think I'll wrap it up now. thanks for reading!

en-fr vocab I needed for this post

P.S.: I love getting mail!